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That which runs our lives...


Where I sat in the classroom in 5th grade wasn't important enough for me to remember. Even if it was, it didn't change my life, it didn't mark any flag in my memory that said "Remember this! .. it's important!" .. and as such, it really didn't shape who I am today and/or it doesn't impact the decisions I make today.

Every day, I remember the important things when I'm about to make a decision. It is some of these that I want to write out... each will be like a snippet of a scene from a movie, as that's how all my memorys are.

Mother speaking to me: "You have to tighten all the fasteners loosely at first before wrenching them all down so that it's done evenly. I've always respected your Father because of how he was so careful in doing this."

Mother speaking to me: "You always feel worse about a job interview than you actually did."

Phyxis speaking to me: "turn jeans inside out before washing them so the color doesn't fade as much"

Phyxis: "Rotts with tails can look a lot happier, people are less scared by them because they can run up to them wagging"

past co-worker: "Do the back spark plug first. Always do the hardest part of the job first, so that it'e easier as you get nearer to finishing it."

bramble: "blue and green must not be seen"

brother listening to some arrogant asshole product vendor say something absurd. Guy: "Noone heres running pistons to 10k. Noone here has the ability." Brother "Oh yeah? Ok." .. I can never forget the tone of his voice. It said "I can tear you apart right now, but I'm not going to bother."

I was in a great mood.

But then I was informed that the neat game "Black and White 2" that I picked up last night with the cute wolf had a predacessor... and in it, apparently there were anatomically correct creatures. And they did all sorts of fun stuff. But ... public outcry and our favorite religious nutjobs screamed moral fowl and.. well.. that just didn't happen.

Here's a review by said nutjobs on Doom 3:

http://christiananswers.net/spotlight/games/2004/doom3.html

My life is changing ... and instead of learning more about myself, I'm learning more about how the world reacts to myself. And to think that last week I wanted to register to vote ... !! HAH! I'm relishing the concept that I've had as little hand in shaping this fucked up country as possible, like some trophy. I won't tarnish it.

The desperation to not have a part in this society as the unstoppable problem-solving aspect of my brain crunches new data is ever increasing...

Like one of the creatures growing in this game, my turning point will eventually be reached (perhaps it already has), there will be no going back .. no changes nor understandings to be made. I really need to find or make a permanent escape from this world. Be it financial superiority and/or isolation, or a log cabin in the middle of nowhere with no contact with society as a whole. I'm not sure the solution but the need grows every day.

It's like I'm on a path to becoming a stereotype. Keman becomes a super bitter goth or something. What a fucken tragedy that would be. I'd like to think of myself as damn smart, understanding, different, open minded with a ton of true honest integrity, and dare I use the word innocent when describing my compassion and enthusiasm. Yet it's all the time getting fucked up, stepped on, and ground up by religious influence.

No wonder nothing more in the world has killed people in greater numbers than religious wars.

- Keman

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
kyhwana
Oct. 19th, 2005 04:57 pm (UTC)
“I'd like to think of myself as damn smart, understanding, different, open minded with a ton of true honest integrity, and dare I use the word innocent when describing my compassion and enthusiasm” <- That was me, then I learned what religion was.
bikercheetah
Oct. 20th, 2005 12:05 am (UTC)
Wait wait, back the truck up. B&W 2 has "correct" animals? I didn't see anything.. Was it fixed in the latest patch? :X
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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Galen Wolffit

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