Here's some pictures...
Phyxis and I invested substantial amounts (6 figures) of money into Lanny Lown, our then-friend and then-highly-respected financial advisor. Little did we realize that it was a ponzi scheme. Lanny was a very good actor .. and fuck if I didn't realize he was just spending our money and taking us for a ride. I've never been so tricked in all my life. He was a -friend- ... someone I respected greatly. We talked all the time. He helped run our lives .. and at the time, we thought it for the better. And it was all just a joke.
It was also a great amount of my upbringing. It was how I was 'born' into this world. Following his advice.
Time went on. Phyx and I both eventually lost our jobs, one after the other ... during the decline of the tech market in 2002. We were narrowly holding on via those investments. If it wasn't enough that we were losing each other, our relationship .. it was worse that we were losing our dog. And then we found out we lost our money. All of it. And so we lost our house. And everything with it.
Times goes on. We rebuild. We grow wiser. I just fear... of losing it all again. I've got the audi again, the mate, there's talks of buying another house. I don't wanna lose everything again. I know nothing lasts forever .. but damnit, I've had it all ripped away from me once. I'd rather not have it to begin with, than to lose it so destructively once more.
Yeah we're making different decisions. Smarter. We're taking precautions. But you can only take so much precaution ... when your whole damn country is crumbling. America may look nice and shiny .. but I've never felt worse or more fearful of our future in all my life. We are shit compared to the rest of the world. A drunk egotistical loser stuck in denial and hated by everyone. Eventually the party ends, and people start realizing that this isn't the land of the free. We've got shit for security ... and I do live in fear of it all ending. It won't take much. Just a fucked up leader who does nothing but bullshit and leads us all to the end. We'll run out of oil, or china will decide to invade us, we'll piss off Iran or south korea will nuke us.
There really never is a such thing as security .. life is chaos. That's the way the universe goes. And if you think that your GOD will help you somehow ... well all you're gonna learn is that He will make sure you experience it all. Good and bad. And in the end, you die. So have fun with that. That's all I ever try to do...
Recently our HVAC system died. And now our microwave went south. What's next? The refrigerator? My computer? Galens heart? Maybe I'll get kidney disease and need a transplant? Life is cruel, full of unexpected surprises. It seems like NOTHING runs smooth, people are always dying, and there is just suffering everywhere you look.
All I can really do is curl up with those who I care about. Dream the dreamy times ... push on and hope that the good times that come, last. Cherish them. They won't. There are no other choices to make ...