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So I walked out on the newyears party Galen and I were at, about 45 minutes before midnight. Talk about social faux pas... To my disappointment (and surely more his), this meant that Galen had to leave too. The party was comprised of mostly his friends and I'm certain an explanation will be inquired upon in the next couple of days.

I've given this a lot of thought since then.

I think I don't like who I am and so representing who I am at a social setting creates feelings that I resent.

And I think the degree to which others appreciate "me" increases these feelings of resentment to a greater severity, because I lack the internal appreciation that they outwardly show.

This stark contrast shapes my actions and finally I withdraw into my shell and don't want to be around anyone.

I can't be myself, and even if I am .. I'm just a stranger. I live in a world of Werewolves that externally I am not, and I'm constantly torn between diving into a mindset and personality that fits wonderfully... and standing tall and strong having adapted to appear perfectly normal in a world that isn't, to me. The "happy medium" seems like being half drunk. Is that really a good place to try to be 24x7?

Comments and suggestions are as always.. welcome.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
wolffit
Jan. 3rd, 2005 05:34 pm (UTC)
It wasn't a faux pas. We weren't the only ones to leave before midnight. We weren't the only ones to leave at 11:15, either. Six people walked out the door right behind us. We may have been the only ones courteous enough to apologize to our host for leaving early. Thus far, nobody has asked why we left, and I doubt anyone will. Yes, I was a little bit disappointed that we couldn't stay, but, spending New Years with you was far more important to me than spending it with some of my other friends, and their friends and associates.
cerisewolf
Jan. 4th, 2005 05:02 am (UTC)
I have attempted this zen of constant inebriation, and the spirits were fickle. Perhaps you will be stronger in the art of drink-fu ^.^
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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Galen
wolffit
Galen Wolffit

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