Galen Wolffit (wolffit) wrote,
Galen Wolffit

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The "you never call anymore" from the parents has made a turn for the worse, and has shaped into "you're coming to the family christmas party, right?" along with "You don't need to bring Galen, we just want you this one time this year." .... they want me to detour my x-fer of the mustang + garage at my old condo in michigan (where they live) to my new garage in Maryland and have me attend this stupid party where very few people even know I'm gay, let alone who Galen would be. Incidentally, the same party/time of the year involved Galen last year- he got introduced to my family then as a good friend, but at the time he was _just_ a friend.

I will not hide who Galen is to me. If I do go to the party, I will introduce him as my mate/other half/partner. And this will of course bring the party of a buncha good 'ol boys crashing to an end, with veiled homophobia resounding with the likes of "Why are you doing this in front of your nephews, they aren't old enough to understand this yet. Why do you need to bring this up?" ... because, of course, it's /never/ brought up.

Anger, frustration, annoyances, etc.

Add in how nice Galens parents were to me and accepting and whatnot, freshly after Galen has come out to his parents ... and it makes a VERY sharp contrast towards my family. I'm very unhappy at the moment, and will not hesitate to tell my whole family to fuck off. I did it once before after what they did to me when I came out to just my parents, and rest assured it was a peaceful 2-3 years that I went without a single word exchanged. I could do it again. But in the end, it's me who pays. No matter what decision I make, it's me who tows the burden of what I am, what I believe myself to be, and what I portray myself as. And the complications thereof.

I think the most frustrating part about all this, is that if my mom really understood me and accepted me as even some of my friends do ... she'd cut me slack on the emotional roller coaster. There's only so much I can take before I just cut my losses, and who wants to give up their parents? Despite my lack of emotional attachment to them, there is an... implied... expressed.. what is the term. "embedded" attachment. Society says I should be attached to them, so ... I feel like I should be. I'm not, not even subconsciously. What's my moms birthdate? Dads? When is mothers day? Fathers day? No idea. I don't even know my brothers birthday. I never paid attention to it, because I never paid attention to them.

I've tried talking things through with her. I've done it till I'm blue in the face. Nothing works. My parents might as well be the neighbors nextdoor for how similar I am to them. I'm NOTHING like them. Not even the faintest trace. Been that way as long as I can remember.
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