Laramie Project. The best words I could find to describe it, was "Emotionally Destroying" ... I almost cried a couple of times through the night, and I was not alone. It's the story of the town Laramie, what happened before during and after Mathew Shepard was beaten to death in 1998.
I struggled right away to pretend that I had no hate for anything. I wrestled with the concept that I would never do something like this to anyone, that I would never kill someone. But in the end, I knew I was wrong and I was just kidding myself. I can be just as cruel as anyone else, so my justifications are more agreeable with others? All I can do is wrap myself in some semblence of comfort at knowing that no matter what-- I don't like anything to suffer. And good or bad, as soon as someone shows submission, I let them go. That's instinctual for me and if it's all I've got seperating myself from anyone else, then so be it.
Later that night, I relived what my parents did to me when I was 20. Every waking minute of it. I handled it all well, I was very strong. I like to say that the situation made me stronger still, but if I rethink all that happened, I can see some bad parts. Vengeance fills the emptyness that once carryed regret, remorse, or fear. I don't give a rats ass about the little things. But the big stuff, the life changing events, on those I crave turning the tides of dominance. I'm wound tight like piano wire these days, hopefully this will fade over time.
Sunday was Galens birthday party with his 'less furry' friends ... we had a good time at Steve's house, I had a good time myself, we went bowling, watched movies, and had a great time. I bowled an all time new low of 64. Seems whatever technique I was starting to pick up has slipped right through my fingers.
All in all, a good weekend.
And, to the kids that did the Laramie project ... bravo. Standing ovation. Congrats, you just did the most politically heated and high profile play I can even think of in a virginia public high school. Well done.
Ohyeah. Changed the oil in the Audi yesterday. Yay 3 gallons of Mobil 1 T&S 5W-40 synthetic.