Human side: Caring, likes fun, wants to please
others, wants to have fun pleasing others. Wants to respect people, obedient. Likes eroticism. Loves respect and will do anything to earn it.
Wolf side: Give a shit-less, disrespectful, disobedient, arrogant, lazy, dominant, and full of contempt. 100% in control of my sex drive.
In everything I do, there is my initial reaction, and then there's the wolf side underneith- which is what I consider the "real" thought. I can fight the real thoughts, but it doesn't do any good. If I'm playing with someone and submitting, the Wolf inside is like "Yeah whatever. No fun for you, he's not worthy."
It's so frustrating. The wolf in me doesn't play games, there is no fantasy. There is no make-believe. There is no pretend cooperation. There is genuine respect and subserviance, or there is utter contempt. It's nothing personal.
I need an ass kicking in the worst way, by the worst person to ask it from. I want my Wolf side to respect galen. I can't really put a word to it, aside from respect+fear ... I want to feel it. There's only one real way I can think of right now. The wolf is like "bring it" .... I'm willing to take the step forward, to walk into the situation. To stick my neck out and bare it for what's to come.
The emotions I've got on hating this all, etc .. I'm just pushing away for now. I'll deal with those later.