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Mar. 17th, 2005

Learning about myself. Why does it always come at the expense of everyone around me?

I'm feeling like crap. I don't wanna be a work today.

All I ever accomplish is to hurt those around me. Doesn't matter how nice I am. In fact being as loyal, caring, and intelligent as I am towards the people important to me -- makes it WORSE ... because I'm not always that way. When push comes to shove I pull away in the most alien fasion. It leaves the person spinning on the ground wondering what it is they did. What shortcomings they have. It's not them, it's me!

I feel like a lethal virus on a piece of candy.

It sucks to give people great expectations and then crash them to the ground. I have the best intentions .. they're honest. It's why people trust me, those that do. I'm just trying to be things that I'm not, and it shows through after enough time. At everyones expense.

How can anyone understand me when I don't?

- Keman


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 17th, 2005 05:49 pm (UTC)
I don't know you, I just followed from another friend's journal, and saw this post. All I can really say is, I relate very much to what you're saying here. I've been trying for at least fifteen years now to understand myself, and to stop allowing others around me to be harmed by my actions and inactions. Be strong. All we can really do is focus on right now, that's all the power we have. We can't change the past, we can't be certain about the future; all we have is now. Be good to yourself, and just do your best. No one can realistically expect more than that.
Oct. 29th, 2005 03:34 am (UTC)

I know I'm quite a few months late in response to this - the reason being I had just landed from my first trip to San Francisco when you had posted this...

Oh. And, well, you know. Not having met you yet.

Something I've learned is that learning about yourself takes forever, which I'm sure you know, and if you are involved socially and have people who are very close to you, then of course they will be affected by any pulling away. The best one can do, in my opinion, is to just communicate with said people these exact things you have just mentioned in the post above. If you think that they start thinking about their own short comings because you pull away unexpectedly... then after talking to them about it they shouldn't. Or at least, shouldn't as much.

Now a question of my own:
Is it weird/creepy/bad or anything to respond to LJ posts from seven months ago?
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


Galen Wolffit

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