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But it's just a dream...

And I knew it was a dream. As I realized that, I waited .. I'm all too familiar with being in a dream, realizing that it's a dream.. and then like-it-or-not, being whisked out of it and back into the consciousness of my body in a dark quiet room.

Except... that didn't happen this time. So I struggled a bit more. Nothing. I thought to myself- this is a DREAM, and I have complete control and I'm not waking up??? This has never happened before. So I decided to have fun.

Except.. that fun didn't happen. For I did not have control. Much to my surprise, anything I tried to make happen was denied. I found myself interviewing for a job and they asked what security clearances I had. Top Secret, I responded. They asked to see my ID and I pulled out my wallet. Knowing that I don't have clearance of any type, but aware that this was a dream.. I made a fake government ID appear in it. Whoops. That didn't work. Out of frustration, I handed my wallet to the interviewer and said "It's in there, somewhere." ... the dream faded off into other sections, then.. and I was mildly annoyed at my in ability to make things happen.

Several times I woke through the night, awaking feeling amazed that the dreams were so deep, so real, and so inescapable. I'd plunge my mind into the darkness immediately, going back to sleep. I do love my dreams ... and all my life I've never had a nightmare.

Usually I don't remember my dreams, usually I can barely tell that I even have them. Never do I normally awake with them so clear and strong in my mind. And never am I able to plunge back into them, picking up right where they left off.

This sleep was extremely healthy, and well needed, I think. Probably the best sleep I've had in who knows how long, months, easily.

I'd like to think part of it was from Galen's efforts at redoing our bedroom. He did it all on his own, monday afternoon. Breaking apart and throwing away the unused desk against the wall, putting in my nice headboard and queen sized bed setup with drawers at the base on both sides into place. We had them stored in the guest bedroom up until now. The bed is now much higher off the ground, the room is much more airy, and sleep feels infinitely less cramped. The bed is once again a relaxing sanctuary, where prior it was a stuffy, cornered-in experience that I frequently would skip in lieu of sleeping in the guest bedroom alone. The bedroom is now more 'ours' and less "galens" ... and it looks IMO 100x better. I'm happy that Galen did this on his own .. he put it all exactly the way I would have tried convincing him to do, which is quite an achievement for Galen since he tends to resist change of any sort.

My life, overall.. needs a bit less stimulous for a while. After the last weekend, I am truely burned out. Galen and I tried to resume our 'normal' activities last night but this morning I was left with a taste of wanting some distance. I'd like to get back to vegging out in front of the computer at night, meditating, spending some time alone, and enjoying some thinking time to myself. I need a vacation from the vacation, some chill-out time from being chilled-out. Not partys, not sex, not get togethers, no... I just need some quiet time.

This wolf just wants to stare out at the herd for a while and not take a part in the kill for a change.

- Keman

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
wolffit
Aug. 31st, 2005 04:09 pm (UTC)
Change is bad, mmkay?
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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Galen
wolffit
Galen Wolffit

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